Ode To Facebook Food - Cap'n Crunch French Toast

As a kid, I adored Cap’n Crunch. My siblings and I  also accepted, with playground-level stoicism, that every bowl came with a tiny renovation crew sanding the roof of my mouth. We’d eat it anyway, grinning through the gentle carnage, because sweet corn-and-sugar pillows > oral comfort. That was childhood math.

Fast-forward to adulthood, where I own oven mitts and opinions about olive oil, and still—if I see a commercial for Cap’n Crunch stares at me down from the counter, I’m still tempted.

This time, I wanted the flavor without the shrapnel. Enter: Cap’n Crunch French toast. It turns the cereal’s legendary crunch into a crisp, buttery jacket around custardy bread, so the bite hits your ears more than your soft palate. Nostalgia, tamed. Mostly.

I crushed the cereal (therapeutic), dunked slices of bread in vanilla-cinnamon custard, rolled them in the rubble of my childhood, and fried until golden. The kitchen smelled like a county fair married a diner. It’s not as sweet as you might think. When I typically make French Toast, I sweeten the custard.

And the top of my mouth? Still intact. Character development!

Kids will inhale it. Adults will time-travel. Dentists will nod, then suggest floss.

INGREDIENTS

4 cups Cap’n Crunch (original)

4 slices thick-cut bread (brioche or Texas toast)

3 large eggs

¾ cup cream or half-and-half

1 tsp vanilla extract

½ tsp ground cinnamon

¼ tsp kosher salt

2 tbsp butter, for the pan

— Maple syrup, for serving

— Fresh berries or sliced bananas (optional)

METHOD

Seal cereal in a zip bag; smash to rough crumbs. You don’t want too many really big pieces or they’ll burn before what’s under it finishes cooking. Spread on a plate.

Whisk eggs, milk, vanilla, cinnamon, and salt in a shallow bowl.

Soak each bread slice 10–15 seconds per side; press into cereal to coat.

Melt butter on a griddle or in a nonstick skillet over medium. Cook 2–3 minutes per side until deep golden and crisp.

Stack, warm up some syrup, and add fruit so you can claim there was produce.

If coating browns too fast, drop the heat; if it won’t crisp, nudge it up.

Add 1 tbsp brown sugar to the custard for dessert-for-breakfast energy.

Zest ½ orange into the custard to feel like you host brunch on purpose.

Cooled slices re-crisp in a 350°F toaster oven for 5–7 minutes.

Because yes, the cereal of our youth might’ve been mildly abrasive—but so are emails, deadlines and fake news.

This French toast? Just sweet enough to make them worth it.